Happy New year everyone!

Happy New Year everyone. Hope every one had an enjoyable and safe New Years Eve. We went to a friends house so ours was nice and peaceful.

If your reading my blog for the first time, please go to the bottom and read the first post. This blogger keeps the new posts on top.

I want to talk a little bit about my hopes and aspirations for 2011. My hope of course is to find a way to get better help and stop with my obsessing and letting BDD have such control in my life. I'm not one to make promises or resolutions but I will say I will try just as hard as I can to improve my mind and body. Not trying at all sure as hell wont get me where I want to be either. I have to find a way to up our intensity in the gym.A friend suggested a Trainer, which would be awesome but with things the way they are right now were lucky to make our gym memberships and supplements. He said they would be better motivation and support than our partners can be. We hear things different evidently when they are coming from someone else and I know hes right about that.  I also have to find a better way to manage my diet and get the right mix of good complex carbs, good fats and lots of protein. My partner bought some new protein powder and pre-workout drinks so that will help. We already have some but don't I don't like it. I wish I could be all happy and joyful and say 2011 is going to be wonderful and all that but I cant. 2011 is going to be a struggle for me as was 08,09,10 etc. Every day is a challenge to not obsess and get myself depressed. I am going to go into 2011 with an open mind and hopes that things will be better and bring a renewed drive to improve and get healthy both mentally and physically.

I wanted to talk a little more about what BDD is to other people and how bad it effects their lives. BDD is what people have when they have anorexia and bulimia. They too have a distorted body image. They see themselves as fat. Where I see myself as thin and frail. From what I have read, people will obsess about specific things like their nose, skin, ears etc. Some people also get "Stuck" in front of a mirror. One lady spent 10 hours stuck in front of a mirror trying to get ready to go outside and she missed her event because she could not leave the mirror. It can be a very devastating disorder for the person that has it and everyone closely involved with that person. Some on the other hand avoid mirrors altogether. I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror but I don't get stuck there for sure. The mind sure does some crazy shit!

Here are a couple of sites about and for people with BDD if you would like to look or share.

http://www.psychforums.com/body-dysmorphic-disorder/

http://www.bddcentral.com/

Also i want to give a quick mention about "triggers". Most people do have triggers that can bring on episodes of depression and anxiety. Most of mine seem to be in the gym. My partner said a friend triggered my last bad episode. I thought it was the guy in the gym. It's really hard to tell most times what exactly the trigger is but it could have been either. I still don't feel a lot better since my last episode of depression and would love to have stayed in bed last night but went out nonetheless. The friend "trigger" that my partner is talking about is someone that is very out of shape and has every excuse in the world. We got into a conversation about health and he said he felt that was my trigger right there.

I was just told I need to wrap it up for a bit. Just want to leave you with a little thought I have stuck up in my cubie  at work. "Be kinder than usual because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".

Thanks for sharing The Hell In my Mind.
Here's to a Happy and Healthy 2011 for All.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Rick