Yesterday went pretty good. Hoping for another good day today. I think I finally figured out when this BDD crap came up in my life. It had to be when I had the steel removed from my feet. I didn't feel this way before then. I guess that it added so much pain that my mind knew there was never any chance of recovering anything that I had accomplished from before my accident. I wasn't like this before the hardware removal. It's really hard to tell when it came about. It could have been earlier because like I said I've never liked my body. There is a difference between liking or disliking your body than obsessing about it 24/7. I guess it doesn't really matter when it came about, it has and there is nothing I can do but cope with it.

The gym was busy yesterday. It always is right after the first of the year with all the New Years resolutions. I did feel a little better when I saw a newbie with arms like toothpicks curling 5 lbs weights. You would think I would be thankful that I'm not starting out like he is but no, I'm not. Just bitter as usual. I try to take things as they come because I know I could easily hit a trigger and get bad depressed again and find myself back in bed for a couple of days. What a crazy thing the mind is and how it works. I wish I could figure out how the hell to shut it off for sure. Make it a good day out there. I sure am going to try.

Thanks for reading and caring about The Hell in My Mind.
Rick